Westmont Receives
$75 Million Gift
An anonymous donor has given $75 million to Westmont, the second largest gift ever for a national liberal arts college. Westmont Chancellor David K. Winter announced the gift on Friday, Oct. 27.
“Dudes, this is totally momentous news,” Winter said. “It will enable us to totally endow the Pete Mallory chair in the School of Surfing and provide totally rad boards free of charge to every student who wants to hang ten. We may never be the Harvard of Evangelical Education but this student body can match the bodies at any other institution tan for tan and thong for thong. Cowabunga!"
The anonymous donor wishes to be recognized only as a friend of the college who does not hold a grudge for being expelled from the campus before completing his education at UCSB. "When I was at Westmont," so says this generous benefactor, "I used to tell incoming freshmen that I was a combination Business & Bible major. I would tell them I planned on making a fortune off of the Gospel. That didn't pan out so I went into advertising and although I am now unemployed, I made a killing off the sale of my home in Pacific Palisades. If I kept the $75 million for myself, I would only squander it on cigarettes."
